My son, who is now a senior in high school, started to go to a prep school because he wanted to pursuit a higher education. But he seems to be unmotivated. Seeing him act so lazy, I tend to yell at him reacting to his behavior.(Female in her 30s)
A
It is very important for the parents to be one in order to involve with the children. The first thing you should do is to talk about the current situation over with your spouse and discuss how you both feel about it. Then, make sure you are both on the same page, discuss how you would talk to your child about it, and sit down to listen to what your child has been up to.
Shinji (*1)
Learn the teachings together as husband and wife, and face your child keeping your awareness about your respective role and position as parents.
Understand your child’s kokoro (*2), and tell your thoughts and feelings to your child as you bring the parents’ kokoro together as one.
To guide the child’s kokoro to an independent individual is the kokoro as parents.
Young children do not have enough experiences about life. So therefore, even if the child wishes to move forward to receive a higher education, that doesn’t necessarily mean they have a specific purpose or reason. In situation like this, it is better to tell your child’s strength and capabilities that you see as parents. Talking it over as a family will allow your child to see himself/herself with a better perspective in a calm way, and will be able to decide on a path where he/she can extend his/her strengths and capabilities.
The one thing that must be avoided is to put the parents’ values, expectations, and wishes on to the child. The thought that he/she is understood by the parents, respected, and knows that he/she has the help from the parents is what brings out the child’s appetite to accelerate. And furthermore, your child will do his/her best to do well to repay the love, trust, and anticipation received from his/her parents.
*1 Shinji: The principles and teachings that are the word of Ōyamanezunomikoto and given to us through Shisha
*2 Kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul (unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored