(TS from Ehime Prefecture/50s/Male/Office Worker)
My son is deaf and wearing a hearing aid. I told my son to study harder and read many books. I wanted my son to live normally, so I said that with parental love. But I realized it was my ego as a parent when I attended Minori no Tsudoi.
I Wanted to Treat My Son as a Person With Normal, Healthy Body
My eldest son who is in junior high school is deaf. He used to be cheerful and positive, but as he grew up, he stopped hanging out with his friends and started to show hesitation to go to school. I asked him the reason. He said he could not really hear what his friends talked about and couldn’t figure out why they were laughing. He felt the gap in the conversation with friends and started keeping a certain distance from them.
“I should treat him as a person with normal, healthy body.” This was what I thought. When I look back, I am not confident if I could really empathize with him when he mumbled anxiously, “I wonder if I can hear alright next time when I was born…” I often told him that he just needs to say “Can you say that again?” to his friends. I didn’t understand why he was so fragile, and was worried about his future. The negative feelings swell and, I forced my value on my son without even noticing.
He Was Not Fragile at all!
When family conversation was decreasing, I attended Minori no Tsudoi and noticed an important thing. I learned that a strong person is a person who is honest, can say sorry when he/she did something wrong. My son is honest, and he speaks anything to us and can express his feelings. He was the strong person. Nevertheless, I assumed my son was weak.
I was focusing too much on his weakness, and didn’t see his strength. I didn’t have to feel sad when I saw his minor mistakes. It is normal to have weakness, so what’s important was to help and support my son to surface his good points as a parent.
Since then, I looked into his good points and supported him. He is good with hands and loves handcrafting. We created a shelf together. There, he started sharing his stories of school, club, friends, with me naturally.
Sharing Everything With My Wife
“Did he share that story with you too?” “Let’s help him to have confidence.” We share everything as a husband and wife, talk about thoughts to each other, and face our children together. We tell him at times that he shouldn’t be ashamed of his hearing deficiency, and tell him the importance to share his own thoughts and get involve with things and people positively.
He gradually became positive and active. He doesn’t hesitate to wear a hearing aid now and enjoys hanging out with his friends. I am so happy and relieved. I keep in mind not to help him on everything, but let him do things by himself and watch him over as his parent. I experienced Kami’s teaching; our souls feel at ease and people grow both physically and mentally inside a family in harmony.
Heeding the Shinji (*1) to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji
Family is the foundation (social environment) where human beings grow up.
A husband and wife that lives with the teachings gives positive influence on the kokoro (jittai) of their own child and makes their kokoro (life) of positive and strong.
Be the parents who understand how significant a family that relates with the teachings is, to protect the life of own child.
*1 Shinji: The principles and teachings that are the word of Ōyamanezunomikoto and given to us through Shisha.