I am bothered by the fact that my husband is filled with complains. So, I have avoided the conversation with him. Recently, our daughter started to ignore him just like me. I feel like our family has started to fall apart. What can I do to resolve this situation? (Female in her 40s)
A
Whether you choose to cover or hate and avoid his shortcomings is up to you. But you have to realize the differences of what the consequences of your choices would bring to your life.
Shinji(*1)
People in today does not deepen the tie with family, but rely on oneself with strong ego.
Understand your role and position, and exchange your thoughts to the family.
As you deepen the thought, you will see the kokoro(love) of family, and be a person(life) who gains the meaning and purpose of life.
A husband and wife are main pillars of the family, and the foundation of happiness will be created when they help and support each other. Therefore, have a mindset, with kigan, to know what you can do to cover your husband’s shortcomings and support each other. The key here is the conversation. Not just be patient to listen the complains of your husband, but try to understand why he thinks the way he does and be honest and tell him that too much of his complains make you feel uncomfortable. In addition, you can point out his strengths and give suggestions on how he can make use of them. His heart will be anchored when he knows he has a family that supports him and wishes his best. He would gradually stop complaining, but use his energy to make use of his strengths. Seeing the way you and your husband cover and support each other, your daughter’s kokoro will be anchored and the honest and healthy heart will be fostered. There, a family in harmony is created; moreover, you will feel the happiness as a wife and as a mother.
(*1) Shinji: Words from Ōyamanezunomikoto, the source of all life.