Our daughter is a high school examinee. Yet, her academic ability is not up to the standard of the examinations for her first-choice school, while the tuition for the private school she is thinking of applying for back up is too costly for us. We are suggesting her to apply for a public school at a rank below. But she strongly wants to apply for her first-choice school. We don’t want to discourage her for financial reasons. What should we do? (50’s Male)
A
Reflect on your daily conversations between husband and wife, and between parents and child. In a family environment where its members’ thoughts can be communicated candidly, the parents can give appropriate advice to their child as to which way to go so that the child’s strength will be extended and fulfilled. And the child would understand the family circumstances such as the household economy. Thus, problems like this would not occur.
Shinji ―Words from Kami(*1)―
Bring the kokoro(*2) of husband and wife together and interact with your child.
This is the education that the parents should give to their children.
To stay unconsumed by people’s opinion and what is happening in society, the husband and the wife should learn the teachings together, and create a home using the teachings as the guiding principle of the way their own family should be.
In a home where the principles are made use of, the kokoro of human beings will be guided by their unmei, allowing them to live out a life with no regrets.
When you learn the teachings as a couple, you can guide your child in the right direction as parents. What is important is for the child to have objectives; “what to do in high school” rather than setting a goal of which high school to enter. Discuss and ponder, as a family, what kind of environments would suit your daughter’s characters, allowing her to make use of her strength the most.
Realistically, a high school that is out of your price range is unlikely to be an option. When your daughter takes these things into consideration, reflects on herself, and decides her choices objectively and with composure, then, she will gain enthusiasm in a very meaningful way. If she finds her present academic abilities insufficient for the entrance exams for a particular school, then she would probably study more seriously.
One thing to be recommended is to consult with her teacher who can make objective judgments taking her academic abilities into consideration as a third person, and can help you decide which course to select. This will give you an opportunity to discuss as a family.
*1 Kami: Great power above named Ōyamanezunomikoto; the source of all life.
*2 kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul(unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.