(CK from Shizuoka Prefecture/60s/Female/Housewife)
My father who turned to be 90 years old has been having troubles hearing, glaucoma, and cataract. But he is up and well till this day, never missing his regular walks and always showing great interest in various things.
Five years ago, when he was told by his eye doctor, “You should not drive anymore.” We talked about it with family, and my father seemed well understood. However, the other day, we found him purchasing a car without telling anyone in my family. I was shocked and disappointed, filled with the feeling to blame him. “Why again? We had reached a mutual consent before!”
But soon I realized I should not have such feelings. I asked Kami for my calm mind to make the right judgment for all of us. Then my daughter sent me an e-mail, saying “Don’t worry, Mom. We all support you. Everything will go fine,” which made me feel relieved. With kigan, I tried to tell him nicely that we were not objecting to him having a car, and we just wanted him to take some medical check before he starts driving again. I also told him if his eyes were good enough, I would be happy to come with him to get a suitable car. The next day, he went to the eye doctor. I explained him the doctor’s opinion; which was to undergo a surgical treatment to gain enough eyesight to drive a car. He then began telling us his feeling why he wanted a car, and the fact he had already made a contract with a car dealer in secret. He thought a car would make it easy to go out with his friends, but he realized he was not capable of driving and decided to give up his car.
This incident gave me a chance to reflect on my attitude toward my father. The thing I thought was for my father’s well-being was actually for my own good. I realized I was only forcing my thoughts against his will. I should have listened to him closely and tried to understand him. This taught me the value of kigan as a family. Each of us can talk to kami open mindedly to be guided to the right judgment, whenever a matter occurs. Perhaps I would have never realized my thoughts about my father without having the guidance through the teachings that shows us how to face relationships.
My father is still full of energy, and enjoying good health. And I hope he will continue to live a long pleasant life for many more years to come. We all support each other as a family to make every day meaningful.